I had a plan about what industry I wanted to be in, what kind of job I wanted but I just couldn't find work.
I had qualifications, I had industry experience... but when I was in the industry, while I was in the job, I was miserable. It didn't matter what I tried to do, I couldn't seem to get anywhere.
I had been working on my resume with a Career Counsellor at the university I was studying at. They said that I needed to find some like-minded people – the more self-discovery I did, the more I found that I was spending time with people who actually have a very different value set to my own. I had been attempting to befriend people in the industry I was interested in because I thought it was a clever way to network, at least that might have been what I was taught at some point. I was also hanging around people who I thought I could relate to in terms of emotional pain and thought understood me because I thought they could relate.
And yet, finding like-minded people, when I allowed myself to do that, and allowed people who weren't so, to drop away, it didn't matter that I wasn't best-buds with these like-minded people, or that we didn't spend time together socially. For the most part, I was just so grateful that they actually existed. In moments I couldn't believe my luck that I was walking with them! They were physically in front of me and I was walking the earth with them, in real time, not vicariously from a history book.
Eventually I found these were the people that I confound, came to trust and love. And from here, I created an environment where I could live a life more in alignment to who I am, finding work became easier albeit still challenging. Gratitude was a key for that.
The work I ended up with wasn't what I thought it was and wasn't related to the career I picked for myself some years before, but I had never been happier, never been as full of love as I am now.
I realised that my idea of an ideal job was an idea I took on from a teacher who I admired. When I began to drop that and be more open and explorative of myself, and more loving of myself, I found it was not so much as the job, but how I did the job and the motives for being in the role. Motives of having some kind of power and influence on the world, being known, just lead to a road of misery. Deep down, I wanted to be myself and to love more of myself and for that to be the progress I see and feel within myself. I found that as long as I was able to bring money in to support myself with that, I was content, more or less. Being less career focused was such a relief! Putting that energy that I had tied up with people pleasing, a career, into something more self-loving, that encouraged me to grow into myself was so rewarding too.